Silence

My silence, I don’t know what it for is. Do I have no words? Or do I fear it might hurt you? I guess I just don’t know. I feel like something’s holding back my hand from scribbling or even typing these simple words, which when arranged together can make or break a heart. I still don’t know what has happened in my case. I guess I am standing at crossroads with just two directions, either I walk with you and the other…I just cannot imagine.

Today I got a surprise. My friend called me and while we were talking she questioned me, “how’s she?” and silence hit me. Just to calm down my nerves, I asked “who?” and she said “the same girl who writes her heart out, according to you”. And hopelessly I reply “I don’t know”. I should have had the courtesy to at least call you once and ask “how are you”. But look at me, as usual, a selfish soul, just day dreaming about we being together without even knowing what’s in you mind.

Where do we go from here? I guess I need to be more practical and come back to this real world. But it’s my soul who simply and hopelessly refuses to look at even a picture of this world where he does not find you. Sometimes I feel he is absolutely wrong and every other time I tell myself why should he not think of you. The worst to happen is you never ever will be mine, but if I don’t think of you I never ever will be myself. Yes, myself, which I saw in your eyes.

I always try to live life on my own terms, never looking back, just moving ahead. But then wouldn’t I also be joining the rat race of this world? No I don’t want to be like someone or belong to the crowd. I am different and so are you. It’s this thing of yours that pulls me in your direction. Even then I can’t walk to you without you stretching out your hand for me. I’ll wait, I wait for you.