What a mad man wants?

Why do we call a mad man mad? Why we not try to appreciate his stance? What he wants to say? No, but we are a part of the universe where you cannot act normal. You cannot be yourself. Just like in the novel “Veronica decides to die” where Mr. Cohelo described it in the best way possible.
Why are we so infatuated with what others think of us? Why are we so obsessed for portraying ourselves as the civilized animals in the eyes of the world?
Somewhere at the deep bottom, lies a soul, our soul, which wants to be free. Shackle free from the judgments of this world. Who wants to fly to the tallest peaks and the deepest trenches without a bonding.
The soul dreams to reach a place devoid of vengeance. Lacks self-control and empty of opinions. A place filled with devotion not towards god but towards his sole objective. Cluttered with selflessness. Jumbled in life and chaotic with peace. If a soul demands to be at this place then he really needs to look around. Because there exists no such place outside this living world we call earth. It’s around us. Where we are. Should I say the soul needs a soul searching? He can’t expect everyone around him to welcome him until he welcomes others. He can’t stop anyone from prying him until he stops the same. I think I need to give myself some time to realise this and I will overcome this hindrance for a lifetime.

What my soul wants?

Let me tell you there is nothing wrong
Wrong, in expressing yourself to the world
World, where every being has feelings
Feelings, happy, sad or lonely but they are present
Present, in every soul, asking someone to know,
Know them without any intimation or a slight hint,
Hint, of what’s going on in that murky soul,
Soul, the only way to understand a being
Being, who’s soul if you read can know what it demands
Demands, those urge to be satisfied by the other
Other, whom you don’t know if it hears your cries
Cries, that you don’t want to go unheard
Unheard by the soul you are crying for non-stop
Non-stop, like a soul in search for its meaning of survival
Survival, in this material world where no peace exists anywhere
Anywhere, but in the soul that its been wanting to stick together
Together for life and beyond,Beyond, where the world of individuals end and togetherness begins.

Me...

My restless mind caused people lot of pain,
Will almighty ever forgive me for all my sin.
This thought hits me like a fucking cane,
Will I ever set free it drives me insane.

I hate you god and I hate you all
Don’t you realise you always make me fall.
I get up and wake up and start walking again,
My courage tells you, your tricks are in vain.

Why you so concerned if I’m dead or alive,
Just mind your business and let me survive.
Your nagging and dragging won’t get my heed,
Why you make fruitless efforts, you’ll never succeed.

I’m open and broken and a ruthless creep,
I’ll bleed you and steal you and make you weep.
An immortal being you may think you are,
But on your pure image I’m a big-big scar.

Questions that haunt me

Why do I give my trust to someone?
Why?
Why I don’t learn from my past experiences?
Why is it that I have to remind myself again and again?
Why do trust people so easily?
Why am I not like others?
Why I let others take advantage of me?
Why someone doesn’t stand up to what he tries to portray?
Why people have to wear a mask?
Why can’t they be true to themselves, leave me apart?
Why is that always I have to wait for someone?
Why is it that I have to call someone first?
Why is it that it’s always me to make the first move?
Why do people take me for granted?
Why do they make me a scapegoat?
Why people don’t take responsibility for their actions?
Why people don’t appreciate the truth?
Why can’t I live life the way I am?
Why do I need to wear the mask of lies like others?
Why can't people leave me alone?

After writing all this crap, yes, crap it is for others. But its something I always ask myself. Questions in my life which just have one answer, guess what?
"We are social animals."

The unfair side

Today she opened up a facet, which I didn’t know. And how can I know it? It’s just a matter of fortnight that I discovered her. Spoke to her. Tried to understand her. It sounds like a joke. How can I know someone in a matter of few days when I took more than a decade to understand myself?
Who am I? It is a question, which gave way to a one-word answer. One word that can suffice my whole being in front of you. Loner. Yes! A loner I am. And a loner I have been all my life. Look at me and you will find this answer in my eyes. But for you to peep in to my eyes, it’s difficult. You can look in to the eyes of a person who makes an eye contact when he talks and only when he talks it is that you can understand that person. But with me, try your luck.
People say life’s short! That sounds like a joke. Ask the preachers of this thought to stand in the shoes of a loner. I’ll never say I don’t enjoy life. I think life’s beautiful. I think I enjoy every moment of it. I don’t need people around to have fun. Because I know when the fun is over friends depart. They depart without a goodbye. And then what? You find yourself alone, just like me.
In this loneliness I suddenly discover a loner just like me. I don’t know if she is one. Because as I said I discovered her just a few days back. And just today she opened the one shut door I was knocking on. And I find someone already at a place where I wanted to be. That’s what I call life. Enjoy!

Rare

Rarely people meet, rarely do they talk, more rarely they fall for each other and very rarely they live together for life. In this rare life lets meet unrarely. Unrarely, which when shakes hand with our life gives meaning to our unfulfilled dreams. It is this unrarely, which leaves our desires incomplete, leaving us to struggle & hoping for this something so rare.
Very rarely do we meet this unrarely, & when it meets, we very often feel that it’s temporary in our life. It’s obvious because we meet the ordinary every moment and unrarerly for one moment. It’s obvious because the ordinary breach what we gave them the most, trust. So it’s just a moment when we get to realise the unrarely and trust him, which we rarely do and then keep longing for him for a lifetime.
In this short life will we meet the unrarely, twice?

Restless Mind

Will someone tell me what’s wrong with me? I know not what am I doing. I’m completely lost. I look around; every damn thing looks normal except me. Today is one of those days when nothing seems to be right with me. I go out of control. I don’t realise what I do. And the consequences, I realise when the tide is over. I call this phase as the restless state of my mind.
Sounds funny and I do laugh at myself. Ya I do. It helps me control myself. But at least don’t cry. Ask me what I’m doing and expect something supernatural. Ya. My answers do sound that way. I loose control over my mind and my soul. And my body…it just obeys them. I become a poor soul trapped in the body of a demon that can unleash the worst on someone who tries to besiege him. These are the worst days of my life and please for heaven’s sake don’t come close to me.
What makes me go through this phase? Don’t ask. But this time around I surely can tell you. don’t be surprised if you find your name with a blame. What makes someone so curious? So curious that just for his own sake he tries to dig up something from a person whom he knows is just like him. He knows how fragile he is. He knows how cruel he can be.
Something he was afraid to bring out of the closet of his heart because he was afraid of what will be the answer. You new how much affect you had over him when you were talking to him. You still made him do that. That’s fine, I should say. Because it would have come out, but why so early? Didn’t I tell you I won’t be able to bear the pain of waiting? Didn’t I tell you how crazy I go when you’ll make me wait? Forget it, don’t give me an answer for that. Now all I know and all I want is a solution to my restlessness.
And let me tell you, if this made you feel bad, please forgive me because, I’m writing it in that phase.

Here i am

You always knew me for my cruelty
You always knew me for my fragility
Did anyone knew, or anyone tried
What hid underneath in my heart is reality.


Here I am, working non-stop
With an aim to make it to the top,
I slog myself with a dream so big,
Still why do I get treated like a pig,
Am I not right to look at the sky,
And make a wish to soar high?
Did anyone realise how lonely I feel,
Folks all around yet silence that’ll kill.

You always knew me for my cruelty
You always knew me for my fragility
Did anyone knew, or anyone tried
What hid underneath in my heart is reality.


True love I asked for, love I got,
No one liked it, yet with the world I fought,
They said she’ll leave, I thought it’s untrue
I knew always, I had someone to hold on to,
Then one fine day she leaves me alone,
I am clueless in life, completely stoned,
I smoke, I dope and I get completely slouched,
Never trust a person, I readily vouched.

You always knew me for my cruelty
You always knew me for my fragility
Did anyone knew, or anyone tried
What hid underneath in my heart is reality.